The path to hell is paved with good intentions. I’m not sure if that really applies to this situation. I basically wanted to say that the jelly actually never happened. I swear there’s some other phrase that refers to a science experiment gone wrong.
Wanna see what’s inside?
Once upon a time there was two pounds of apples just begging to become jelly and hang out on my buttered toast. Then the Evil Queen, Annie Rigg, stepped in and ruined everything. The Sugarplum Princess just needed a little guidance for my first foray into making jelly. It all seemed simple enough. The storybook in question is Gifts from the Kitchen and in it the EQ simply says cut up the apples, add water, cover the saucepan, and cook gently until the apple chunks are soft. Seriously, EQ? This princess has a life. Could you at least let me know how long that’s going to take. Just a little hint would be great. Do I have time to paint my nails or maybe walk the dog? Fortunately, the Prince of Pastry stepped in to save me. I whipped out the new iPad and followed the yellow brick road right to davidlebovitz.com who informed me that not only should I leave the lid askew, but this would take about 20 to 30 minutes. I swear I let these go about 40 minutes. And yes, I realize I just made DL a prince and the Wizard of Oz at the same time.
At that point I thought we had stumbled onto a happy ending. Alas, there is always a twist. EQ said that whatever you do, when you put the apples into the jellybag, do not push or prod the apples or the juice will be cloudy. She at least gave a guideline that the extraction would take at least four hours. The Prince said this too but said that overnight would work best. I’m here to tell you, it didn’t make a bit of difference. Also, I swear on the life of my made-up fairytale sidekick that I did not push or prod those apples. Still, here’s what I was awarded with:
Being the firm believer in Happy Endings that I am, was going to attempt to make what would probably have been the world’s smallest batch of jelly. That never happened either because I wound up working 9:00 to 7:30 with a bunch of attorneys that around 4:00 started to resemble the flying monkeys.
Actual Happy Ending: Peaches and Cream mani/pedi at the Four Seasons Spa.
For reals, I am so tempted to abandon this book. I love her ideas, but her direction is weak at best. Obviously I don’t blame her for the amount of juice in the apples. Maybe I will have to cast a sequel this fall.
Eat Well and Savor.